So I bumped into Jesus at the WaWa this morning…
ME: Look at you! All fancied up in your morning coat and top hat. Where are you off to?
JESUS: Rhonda the Armenian, Peter the Accountant and I are headed to Washington D.C. for the inauguration. Joe invited us. Rhonda is singing the national anthem and Peter is backing her up on harmonica.
ME: I thought Lady GaGa was doing that?
JESUS: Well she is. We set up a little step ladder for Rhonda a couple of blocks away. She’s going to sing it to him as he drives by on the way to the Capitol. She’s over there, rehearsing. By the way, do you know the difference between the words ‘Capitol’ and ‘Capital’?
ME: I believe a Capital can be a noun or an adjective. Capital can refer to uppercase letters, accumulated wealth, or the city that serves as the seat of a country’s or state’s government. And a capitol is a building in which the legislative body of government meets.
JESUS: You could have let me explain it. I see that Dad gave you the gift of knowledge, but not humility. Expect a mild smiting in the near future.
ME: Sorry. On a different note, I’m sure you know about all the horrible stuff that went on in the CAPITOL last week. Aren’t you nervous?
JESUS: Well duh? Of course we are. But it’s not
like we haven’t been afraid before. My brother James once said, “So whoever knows the right thing to
do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.” We're going because it's the right thing.
ME: Well there it is. Makes sense.
JESUS: Yeah he was the writer in the family. I was the on-air talent.
ME: Well, I haven’t seen you in a while. Happy New Year. Any words of wisdom for us? Things are pretty bad right now.
JESUS: Same as it ever was. Love is better than hate. Listen to other people. Have discussions and not fights.
RHONDA: AND GET YOUR FRIGGIN MASKS ON, YA BUNCH FLACCID PIMENTOS! I’m done rehearsing, boss. The cops showed up again and thought I was being beaten. I said, “No stupid, that’s called SINGING where I come from.”
PETER: We should be hitting the road, boss.
JESUS: Okay. Hey chickpea, let me ask you something. Do you think these sandals clash with the outfit?
ME: YOU cut a dashing figure. Knock em dead!
JESUS: Bless you my child.
RHONDA: Why? She didn’t sneeze. HAHAHAHAH! I LOVE THAT FRIGGIN JOKE. YA GET IT, YA MELON-HEADED, SEERSUCKER?
JESUS: Rhonda, remember your New Year’s resolution? A kinder, gentler, probationary resident of Paradise. Now let’s go. Love you chickpea!
ME: Should I say, God Bless America?
JESUS: It couldn’t hurt. Just say “Please?” at the end, okay?
