So I bumped into Jesus at the WaWa this morning…
ME: Holy Cow!!! It’s been months since I’ve seen you. You’re working here now?
JESUS: Just for the record, I’ve always worked. I just was doing the Lord’s work previously. But yes indeedy! I’m a gas junkie now!
ME: …that’s JOCKEY. Not junkie.
JESUS: You say Jockey, I say Junkie. Don’t be an anti-Semantic, kiddo.
ME: So how long have you been working here? And how come I haven’t seen you before?
JESUS: I started last year when the plague hit. Rhonda the Armenian and I both got jobs because the manager figured since we hung out here so much, we might as well make some dough. But we work overnights mostly because, well…we don’t have a place to live and it’s so quiet here at night, we can catch some ZZZZZS in the little house on the gas island. They have a heater.
ME: Wait. They hired RHONDA?
JESUS: She’s on pump #6. See?
RHONDA (to a customer): You said cash, not credit, so I pumped the cash price. And now you want to hose me for the difference, ya freakin dog-faced, chicken legged, spineless twerp? Pay up or you’re going home with two black eyes and four flat tires!
ME: Ahhh…she was born to be in customer service. So are you out of the Savior business now?
JESUS: Of course not. But I’m not getting any younger, so I’ve cut back my hours a bit. Dad wants me to break in my brother Buddy for the job. He’s out in the field now, actually, or I’d introduce you.
ME: You’re telling me that your father has more kids than you? But he’s not married or anything.
JESUS: Duh, of course He does. We don’t call him the FATHER for nothing, you know. There’s Buddy, Max, Antonio, Larry and of course the girls, Patty, Maxine, Laverne…
ME: You’re related to the Andrews Sisters?
JESUS: We ALLLLL related, Chickie babe. Hey my break is almost over. Could you get me some stuff inside?
ME: You have money now, right? Get it yourself.
JESUS: C’mon. For old time sake? I’ll look at it as a corporal work of mercy, okay?
ME: (Sigh) What do you want?
JESUS: Okay, a pack of butts, a cinnamon bun, with lots of icing, a hot dog, just mustard, and a jalapeno stuffed pretzel. And as an added bonus, I’ll throw you a free miracle and you don’t even have to touch the hem of my garment. That’s how much I dig you.
ME: You’re something else, you know that?
JESUS: That’s what they tell me. I’ll be at Pump #2. Love you, Babycakes!
