Love is all around

A few years ago, I was in Los Angeles to film something for TV.  It happened that we were shooting it at the same studio that Seinfeld and the Mary Tyler Moore shows were filmed, so I was pretty excited. 

The MTM show was one of my all-time favorites and it was way cool that the streets were all named after many of the cast from that show. I shot some footage on the Central Park set from Seinfeld, so suffice to say, I was in 7^th heaven.

But it was the MTM stuff that really got to me. I was imagining the cast just walking around, going to commissary and playing softball outside. Don’t ask me how or why softball got into my fantasy. It just did. But to be around that much TV history was like a dream come true, and I was sad, but satisfied when it was over.

The next day I was off to LAX for the plane ride back to Jersey. If you’ve never been to LAX, it’s a huge airport and you should pack a lunch and a change of clothes for the walk from the TSA place to your gate. I was suffering from two lousy hips at the time and so I asked to be wheeled down to my gate, which they very nicely accommodated.

They wheeled me into the handicapped area and parked me there. I kind of felt conspicuous and self-conscious when after about about five minutes I saw Ed Asner, Mr. Grant from the Mary Tyler Moore Show being wheeled in too. They parked him so that we were facing each other!

Now, I’m in show business and so is he. I try not to be impressed by celebrities, but this was LOU FUCKING GRANT! Nevertheless, I nodded to him and he nodded back. I was incredibly proud of how cool I was being. 

A few minutes later, we all boarded. Ed went to first class, of course, and I went to a seat that had a little more room than the overhead compartment. I took a melatonin pill and waited for it to kick in. It is a 6 hour flight back to Jersey and I wanted to sleep through it. But alas, sleep was not on my horizon that day.

About an hour into the flight, I noticed that the guy next to me was watching a documentary on…get this…The Mary Tyler Moore Show! I was like, holy shit, this is weird, because there on the screen who do you think was being featured? ED FUCKING ASNER! 

I wanted to jam this guy in the ribs and scream, “You don’t have to watch this on TV…Lou Grant is right in the front of the plane!” But I was cool and kept my mouth shut.

Cut to Newark Airport, six hours later. I go to the luggage carousel and get my bags. I can’t wait to get outside to have that cigarette I’d been craving for the last 8 hours. I hurried outside as fast as my arthritic hips would take me and lit up. Nirvana.

About two minutes later, guess who was being wheeled out? ED ASNER. He stops right in front of me and he lights up a cigarette! Then, he smiles and says in that Lou Grant voice, “Well, we made it!”

Oh my God, he's talking to me! But I kept my show business cool and casually said, “Yes we did!”

At that point he reaches out his hand and introduces himself. “Ed Asner”, he says as if I had just landed here from Jupiter. I took his hand and said, “Julia Scotti. And I am well aware of who you are. I’m a big fan.” But still I was cool. And then it happened. I completely went fan gaga.

“You said one of the most famous lines in TV history!” said I with all the composure of a 12 year-old.

But he was cool He smiled and said, “And what was that?”

I stammered a bit and then blurted out, “You’ve got spunk…” 

And before I could finish the line, he scowled, looked me right in the eye and said, “I HATE SPUNK!” I was in heaven, I was sure.

Well after that we started chatting like we actually knew each other. I explained that I was a comedian and that I had been out there filming and he seemed genuinely interested. I asked him what he was doing here on the East Coast.

“I’m here to do a reading at Lincoln Center on Tuesday.”

Of course you are, I thought. And I’m going to be working at Uncle Yuk Yuk’s Chuckle Hut on Staten Island this weekend.

“Listen,” he began. “I’ve got a car coming to pick me up in a few minutes. Do you want to ride up to NY with us?”

Wait. Did I just hear that right? Did Ed Asner just offer me a ride?

 We all have those moments in life when we are forced to make either the decision which will harm us (even though that’s the one we want) or the pragmatic, practical decision. My car was parked across Rt. 9 racking up the daily fees. But at that moment I didn’t care. I had this once in a lifetime opportunity to take a one hour ride into New York with a TV legend. I couldn’t believe what came out of my mouth.

“Gee Mr. Asner…”

“Ed.”

“Uh…Ed. I really appreciate the offer. But my car is across the highway at a lot. But I’d be more than happy to go get it and come back for you. You’d save a fortune on the car.”

What did I just do? This guy is a legend. And I’m offering him a ride in my 10 year old, cigarette butt and cheeseburger wrapper filled Hyundai? Have I gone mad? Yes! I’ve gone completely insane! Where is my show business cool?

Ed couldn’t have been more gracious. He kind of smiled and said, “No the car’s on its way. But thank you.”

I shook his hand one last time and began walking toward the shuttle pick up point. My back was to Ed, so he couldn’t see the deranged smile on my stupid puss. But his simple act of kindness gave me a memory that will last a lifetime. I thank him for that.

PS. I was proud of myself for not losing my showbiz cool until I got back into the car.