Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Ahhh, Sweet Mysteries of Life!

The great mysteries of the world have baffled folks for centuries, especially those whose job it is to be baffled by the great mysteries of the world, like scientists and government employees. No one really knows why the Pyramids were built, for example, although theories abound. Some believe they were ancient tombs for some very important Egyptians, while others believe they were guideposts for incoming alien spacecraft. My own personal belief is that they were the first indoor shopping mall. I have no proof of this, other than the enormous sand parking lot that surrounds them.

There are lots of other things in this world that I don’t understand. The Kardashian phenomenon, for instance continues to baffle me, mostly because there’s just so damned many of them. I am baffled all the more by their value to society. What do they do? What do they contribute? Why are they so wealthy and popular? How do I get to be one?

About the only one I do vaguely recognize is Bruce Jenner, mainly because I love Wheaties Cereal and he used to be on the box, all handsome and clean-cut. I don’t know what happened to him, but he is now barely recognizable. I believe that it is him because I recognize his voice; but that’s the only reason. Maybe that’s what Kardashians do to people. They kind of sound like an alien race of beings that you might find on Star Trek anyway. Why do we care? Why does Bruce Jenner care?

And then there’s the Duggars, those reality show ‘stars’ of  TLC’s 19 Kids and Counting who had all those babies. I don’t understand the allure of them either. Are we that bored with our lives that we can’t wait to find out each week what mischief child #6 or #2 will commit? Will their careers in show business end when Mrs. Duggar enters menopause?

 Over the weekend, the prolific father, “Jim Bob” Duggar (I swear to God, that’s his name) came out and endorsed Rick Santorum, the ultra-conservative, pro-Crusades, candidate for President. This, I guess, is Santorum’s ingenious plan for winning the Presidency. The Duggars, if allowed to continue procreating, will eventually have enough children to populate their own state and thus guarantee Rick his win.

Questions, questions...

Hey, another question here. Why is alcohol consumption celebrated in our country, but we have a war on marijuana? Both are mind altering, no? And there is certainly less vomiting involved with smoking a joint once in a while than there is with over-indulgence of  booze, isn’t there? Plus, think of the eco-benefits of legalizing it. No elaborate packaging is needed for pot, which fouls up the landfills. Just a simple sandwich baggie, is all. No inane advertising is needed either; who doesn’t know someone who can ‘get it’ anytime? America’s snack food industry would thrive like never before, putting people back to work and thus lowering the unemployment rate. Entrepreneurial types would have a field day developing their businesses, and the government would be able to pay off the debt in a week with the taxes they’d collect. Plus, we wouldn’t have to worry about China, North Korea or Iran starting a war with us. Hell, we wouldn’t worry about anything! World peace would be eminently possible if instead of sitting at the negotiating table, the leaders of these countries all got together in a backyard somewhere and smoked a doob. Hey Iran, don’t harsh my mellow here!

Questions, questions...

I don’t understand, how in a country of what, three hundred million people, the current crop of Republican Presidential candidates managed to get where they are. I have seen better choices made on Dancing with the Stars. JR deserved to win, of course, but Rikki Lake would have been just as qualified.

Maybe that’s how we should choose all of our government. Hell, the Duggars got a reality show, maybe it’s time we have one for our governance. We could call it something like, So you think you’re responsible? Or something like that. Each week, every state has the candidates do something good for their state, like say... work for a living, or try to live on a fixed amount of money. Then, the judges decide who is going to be eliminated and the person who goes home vows to never get involved in politics again. This could go on for twenty-six weeks until the winners from each state become Senators and Congress people. And every four years, these folks have a chance to compete in a competition to see who becomes President. Sure! That’s it! If the founding fathers were alive today, THIS would be the system they’d have designed.

Questions, questions...

Why is skinny considered good and beautiful and not so skinny considered gross and disgusting? I hear men talking about this a lot. And not just young, virile men with washboard abs and bulging pecs; I’m talking about balding, toothless men with swollen prostates and back hair that could carpet two full rooms in a house!  They’ll be standing in a pack outside of a convenience store and a woman will walk by. Once she’s inside, they caucus and discuss whether they would do her. That’s the term they use. And more often than not, their fantasy decision will be weight-based. As if they would ever have even the slightest chance of lowering their hairy, beer bloated bodies onto a woman of intellectual and physical substance.

Yeah, there are a lot of things I don’t understand. And I will probably go to my cremation urn with most of them unanswered. But isn’t that what life is all about, seeking answers to things? It’s what separates us from other members of the animal kingdom. Our issue here in America has been that we have for too long trusted our lives with those who tell us what they think we should believe. We, the people, have been complacent, thinking that the people in power had our best interests at heart. THEY DON’T. THEY NEVER HAVE, AND NEVER WILL. It is up to us to get involved and say, enough is enough.

I think that is happening now, don’t you? Everywhere you look, throughout the world, people are saying to those who egotistically thought that they were untouchable by the masses; I’ve had it with you. We’ve had it with you. And you must go away now and let us decide what’s best for us.

Not since the 1960s have I been so hopeful for the future of this country, and indeed for the world. People are taking back control of their governments and being proactive in their futures. When people like Donald Trump are laughed out of the limelight and the public is intelligent enough to reject the buffoonery of the Palins and, Cains, et al, there is hope. When the Occupy Movement catches on like a wildfire in the minds of the people, there is hope. Sure there will always be the inanity and demagoguery in our media, but we are smart enough to see it for what it is; self-aggrandizing carpet bagging. And we will reject that too. And while it isn’t always obvious, it is apparent; America is growing again, spiritually, intellectually and politically. Discourse and tolerance may not always be the fare of the day, but compromise, which is how stuff gets done, will be.

No question about it.

That‘s it. I’m done bitching. Everybody hug, everybody eat! Abbondanza!

No comments:

Post a Comment