I don't know how many people reading this know a transgendered person. But don't be surprised if somewhere down the road, someone comes "out" to reveal their own truth to you someday. Who knows, maybe it will be you! Wouldn't THAT be a big slice of cake!
No one really knows how many of us there are, since most generally want to live 'stealth', our term for undercover. I respect that. This is a hard life folks. We don't do it for attention. Quite the opposite. We want to be just like you, raise families, be Moms, Dads, doctors, teachers, etc. But the reality is, for a great deal of us, life is just not that simple. A good deal of our time is spent second and third guessing ordinary everyday decisions most people take for granted. Some of us live in constant fear of monsters under our emotional beds and survive mostly by the Code of Don't; Don't attract attention, don't get noticed, don't get outted, don't use that bathroom, don't tell your date, don't date at all, and most of all don't get killed because you tried to hide what you are . In other words, trade the prison that you were born into for an even worse one. Go through all that pain and anguish, all the assaults on your body so that you can dig an even deeper hole for yourself to hide. Because that's what being afraid of being yourself is... a horrible place devoid of light where the "you" in you cowers in fear, anger, and shame.
Some of us have attention heaped upon them, like Chaz Bono. I have so much respect for him. He didn't have the choice to be stealth. Being Cher's kid can be a huge stone around one's neck and he handles with such pride and dignity. No matter what this guy does for the rest of his life though, he will always be known as Chaz Bono, transgendered son of Cher. He could become a world famous doctor and find a cure for cancer and he'll be known as Dr. Chaz Bono, transgendered miracle worker. It doesn't matter. Once you're out...you're labeled. And you become fair game for every crazy, hateful lunatic out there. Some people can't stand what they don't understand and fear what is closest to their weakest emotional spot.
On the other side of the coin, there are people who love us, truly love us, who see what we are in any package we choose to display ourselves. I have been blessed so much on my journey with folks who knew me before and now, and who genuinely love me. These people, like my sister Linda and my niece/daughter Stephanie , are heroes to me. They see that what I did was the right thing. They knew how miserable I was before and they have said over and over how much at peace I seem now.
For most of my eleven years in this new life, I have fallen somewhere in between feeling shame and guilt at the hurt I've caused some people with my decision and the aforementioned peace in my heart. But the universe takes you where it wants to go. I've reached the point where I am ready to totally reclaim the things which gave me great joy in the past. For the people who have chosen not to be in my life, I am still saddened. They are always in my heart and I would welcome them back in less than a beat. But the idea that I must self-flagellate and do penance for the rest of my life is finished. It's time to move on and just BE.
YEAH ,YEAH JULIA...WE KNOW, WE KNOW, YOUR LIFE SUCKED ...BUT WHAT'S ALL THIS GOT TO DO WITH THE COMEDY THING?
I didn't say it ALL sucked, but that's a good question, Generic Voice Number 1! And I was just getting to answering it. But I think I'll hold off till the next post. G'night.
No comments:
Post a Comment