Tuesday, December 13, 2011

My Funny Valentine ...gig

Here’s an interesting dilemma. I’m booked for Valentine’s Weekend, right? And of course, the theme of the show is love and relationships. Now, I promised the booker that I would devote a good chunk of time to those subjects. The trouble is, I’m single, I’m a transgendered woman who identifies as a lesbian, I hate Valentines Day, AND I had commitment issues before all of this happened. About the only thing I have in common with these folks is my adoration of all things chocolate. My idea of heaven is to perform in a three-thousand seat room where the audience is made up solid milk chocolate people. Then, if a heckler starts in, I could just run into the crowd and bite his head off, starting with the ears.

“Wait just a darn minute there, Missy!

Well if it isn’t my old friend, and new literary prop, “Redneck Stereotype Generic Voice #2! What can I do for you tonight?

“Did I read you right? Did you say you were a lez being?”

No no....Not a less being. I’m a lesbian, and that is exactly what I said.  Why are you sounding so perplexed?

“Oh Gawd, now she’s a LESBIAN! Oh Jesus, sweet Jesus and baby fact all the Jesuses combined into one Giant Mad-as-Hell  Jesus!! You mean to sit there and tell me that you went through all that snippin and clippin and tuckin and tinkerin, and you still want to be with the ladies?  You have gone completely out of your mind, WOMAN! Personally, I think you have overdosed on that damned estrogen, that’s what I think.”

Calm down, Red, the explanation is quite simple. What you probably don’t understand is that Gender Identity has nothing whatsoever to do with Sexual Preference. Just like some genetic women like women, some transgendered women also like women  ...and some like men. Everybody’s got to like something, right? We all need to be with someone, don’t we? Isn’t love what makes the world a wonderful, colorful place, Red? Tell me, what do you like?

“I’d like to get the hell out of here, that’s what I’d goddamn like. What do you know about love any way? You really think you got a shot at landing someone? Well good luck on that one Missy. Ha! Hahahahahahaha......”

See ya Red! Say hi to the missus for me!

Hmm...Well, he does make a good point. What exactly do I know about love? My only perspective is from my years with the other tribe. I know about the imitation of heterosexual love. I did it for years. But that wasn’t love. That was unfulfilling and empty; like pouring water into a bucket with no bottom.

I don’t know if I have a shot at ‘landing’ someone, as Red suggested. Personally I find the term ‘landing’ more akin to pulling a bass or trout out of the water into the boat. I don’t want to trap someone or hook them. I want it to evolve, organically. I don’t need bombastic Rhett and Scarlet love. I want ‘moments’. I want cold nights in front of a fire when all is well with the world and I’m happy the person I love is in the room with me. I want a peck on the cheek for no reason. I want a surprise pizza on a Friday night from the one I love. I want...wait a minute. Straight people want those things too, don’t they? So if they want what I want then we can’t be that different can we? And if we aren’t that different, then I can write material for this show! The only thing I have to do then, is get them to understand that being transgendered or a lesbian doesn’t mean I don’t feel what they feel. And I can do that because it’s true. After all, this IS about truth, isn’t it?

Yeah, this is going to be a kick ass show. I know it. A piece of cake. Chocolate cake.    


No comments:

Post a Comment