Monday, December 12, 2011

Will Tweet for Stage Time.

I have been advised by various and sundry influential people that it would probably enhance my ability to more quickly become a household name if I would consider using social media to connect with other people who want the same thing.

It would be nice to be ranked in the same household name-i-ness  category as say, Clorox, WD 40 or Marzipan , but I dare not dream.

However, it is apparently infinitely easier now to get one’s name to the right people than it was when I first begin toiling in the smoke-filled comedy lairs of yore. Gone are the days of money wasted on headshots, whose only result was to lend credence to the rumor that perhaps I had a lazy eye. Now every picture is digital. Everyone is Photo Shopped. Lazy eyes, unsightly moles, multi-directional and multi-colored teeth have all magically disappeared thanks to this wonderful invention. One can zip out fabulous photos with the virtual click of a switch; except in my case.

There has not ever been, nor will there ever be, a good photo of me, either before or after ‘The Change’ as it has come to be known.  I don’t care if Ansel Adams himself Photo Shops it, I am just not photogenic. Both before and after ‘The Change’, I still look as though my picture belongs on the label of a jar of spaghetti sauce.

Gone too, are the days of having to send out $4,000 a week  worth of videotapes to bookers who (and I’ve seen this) would just pile them up in the corner, creating a Mt. Fuji of unwatched footage that some poor bastard spent his or her last $20 on postage. Now it’s all digital, just upload and download, frontload, backload, and view. You can even be an Internet star of your own self-produced Webcast. It’s mind boggling.

It’s all so overwhelming. Where do I begin?

Today, I learned how to tweet. I’m not very good at it, but I’m teachable.  In fact, moments ago I learned that they are called Tweets and not Twitters, although they should be called twitters because you’re tweeting on Twitter and not Tweeter. But being a latecomer to the game, I will not rage against the machine, but rather, embrace it, as one would embrace an enraged bear shortly before becoming its mid-morning snack.

As I understand it, the object of Tweeting is to connect as many total strangers to this blog as you can, so that they will in turn connect even more strangers to it. In return, my obligation is to return their tweets to more total strangers, so that eventually we all wind up in a stadium someday for a reunion.  I’m told this is how the Egyptian revolution was formed. Perhaps I’ll do the same at the active adult community in which I live. I can see it now @juliascotti4....more bocce ball NOW or we hold the broken hip-hop dancing class hostage!

 The goal it seems, is to eventually become viral, which either means I’m becoming wildly popular (like Marzipan) or I’m infecting innocent strangers with the urge to undergo Gender Reassignment Surgery. The latter might not be so bad, as it would be nice to have other like-minded folks to talk to.

However it turns out, I’m having fun with this and if you’d like to join the fun, leave a friggin comment, will ya? My therapist already thinks I talk to myself too much. Besides I want to become a household name, remember?

“Honey...where’s the Julia Scotti?..heh heh..I mean,  Nature Valley Granola bars?”

See? It’s starting already.


  1. "When you're at the store pick up some Julia Scotti, will ya?

  2. Julia I have enjoyed reading your blog. Being a transgender person I can relate to so much of what you say. I look forward to reading more of your posts and plan to spread the word to friends and family (okay, so it's only one friend, and she was the one who told me to check this out, and most of my family doesn't speak to me), and I don't tweet or twit but I wish you luck in the whole going virile thing. While I have no intention of stealing any of your material I would love to have permission to use your whole clock and time thingy to descibe transgender when I am adressing groups of the uneducated masses.

  3. Hi Bobbi,
    Thank you for the kind words and I hope keep this thing going for a good long while. You just hang in there, be your own best self, and you will have a good life despite the bad feelings you may get from others. By all means you may use the clock and time analogy, and thank you for asking!