Down to Earth! "Jesus and His Accountant" -- February 23, 2020

 

So I bumped into Jesus at the WaWa this morning…

JESUS: Hi Chickpea!

ME: Hey there. Who’s your friend?

JESUS: Oh, that’s Peter. He’s my accountant. We’ve known each other for years.

PETER: Are you kidding me? I have no idea who this guy is! Hiya sweet thing! What’s shakin besides your fine booty?

ME: Is he serious? And why do you need an accountant?

JESUS: It seems we had a banner year in 2018. And the gospel truth according to Peter is that all the gifts we got for miracles and prayers are taxable. So Pete is setting up a 501 (c )3 non-profit corporation for the family business.

PETER: Don’t listen to my man here. I never met him before. Hahahahahaha! But I’d like to meet you again chickie! What say you and I hit the clubs tonight and party?

ME: Why does he keep saying he doesn’t know you?

JESUS: Long story. You don’t want to know. He’s annoying, but he’s a good accountant and he’s got a great fishing boat, so I keep him around.

ME: Okay. Listen. I don’t normally ask you for favors. But I have a friend who is really sick and could use a little of your mojo. Do you think you could lay some hands or feet or something on her?

JESUS: Of course, my little Cheez Whiz. I just need you to fill out an order form. We have to keep really meticulous records now. It’ ain’t like the old days.

ME: They sure aren’t. Can I get something for you and him?

JESUS: I’d appreciate a pack of smokes, a 16 oz. coffee with just a shot of French Vanilla, and a package of those Nutter Butter cookies.

ME: And you? Do you want anything?

PETER: Just your phone number, gorgeous, and a night to explore your plentiful pulchritude on the beach in the moonlight.

ME: Oy. I can’t believe this guy is your friend.

PETER: FRIEND? Hahahahah I don’t have a clue as to who this guy is!

ME: Yeah, yeah. So we’re good with the healing?

JESUS: I’ll be out there on Tuesday.

ME: Thanks. I appreciate it. I love ya man.

JESUS: Love you too chicklet.

PETER: I could love you a long time gorgeous, if you just let ole’ Peter in!

ME: Oy.

JESUS: Oy is right. See you Tuesday.