Down to Earth! "SPECIAL CORONA EDITION" -- March 29, 2020

 

So I bumped into Jesus at the FAR END of the WaWa parking lot today…

ME: So judging by the Hazmat suit and the ring of orange cones surrounding you, this is your version of social isolation?

JESUS: Can’t be too careful, chickie poo. Did you bring me anything?

ME: Coffee, a couple of hot dogs, some Hostess Sno-balls, the pink ones, and 4 Slim Jims.

JESUS: Thanks, kiddo. Just put them inside the perimeter ring and I’ll come get them.

ME: You’re taking this pretty seriously, huh? Being who you are and all, aren’t you immune to all this stuff

JESUS: Who do you think I am, Superman? Naw. I shut the whole operation down. Sent my staff home. Everybody was pretty cool about it except for Thomas. He doesn’t believe anything I say.

ME: Then why are you out here?

JESUS: Pfft! Are you kidding me? What kind of savior only hangs around when things are good? I gotta be here rain or shine, virus or pox. And man, I hate poxes. Although this isn’t as bad as the great leprosy outbreak back in 32.

ME: 1932?

JESUS: No…just 32. Duh! I know, I look good for my age. Oh it was awful. A leper would come into town for milk or bread, and everybody just picked up a rock and started chucking them at the leper’s head.

ME: Well leprosy is contagious, you know.

JESUS: I know that! What do I look like, an idiot? I’m just saying, panic is not a good thing. A rock to the head can do some damage. Pontius Pilate should have jumped on the Meals on Ox Carts Program a lot sooner. But of course he didn’t believe leprosy was contagious. He said the warm weather would clear the whole thing up. What a doofus, am I right?

ME: You got that right. Hey, do you need anything else before I go?

JESUS: Naw. I’m good. Listen, you take care of yourself, and stay in touch with your friends. Now would also be a good time to clean up your house. Are you still hoarding stuff?

ME: I can’t help it. I’m so afraid of being without things.

JESUS: Look. I know it’s been a rough life. But have I ever let you go without?

ME: no.

JESUS: OF COURSE I HAVEN’T, DOPEY! I’ll never let you down. Now go home and call your family and friends and tell them you love them.

ME: You’re right.

JESUS: Of course I’m right. How could I NOT be right?

ME: Love you

JESUS: I know. Love you too.