So I bumped into Jesus at the WaWa this morning…
ME: Hey where you been? I haven’t seen you in like three weeks at least!
JESUS: I was in Mississippi on vacation. I went down there to do some deep sea fishing in the Gulf with my pal Luis. He works in the poultry plant that got raided by ICE. I was there to meet him for lunch. They took one look at me and scooped me up too. I’ve been in a detention center for the last 2 weeks.
ME: They didn’t believe you were Irish and that your last name was O’Malley?
JESUS: Funny, Dudette. I should have asked Dad to make you a comedian.
ME: So did you catch anything while you were there? Tuna? Marlin? Head Lice? Oh come on, don’t look at me like that. It was a joke.
JESUS: Not funny, Dudette. That place was a shithole. I wouldn’t put Satan in there and trust me, there’s plenty of places I’d have liked to send him.
ME: Wait…Satan is real?
JESUS: What’s the matter with your brain? Of course he’s real! He’s semi-retired and living in Boca! He only works a few days a year now, like Christmas, Easter and most of the parades on St. Patrick’s Day.
ME: Who runs the business the rest of the year?
JESUS: The son of a bitch is franchising! He’s got people all over the world now preaching hate, killing babies and just painting the world black. He’s really getting on my nerves. I told Dad we really need to stop him.
ME: What did he say?
JESUS: Oh he keeps throwing the “free will” thing at me. I swear, things would be different if I were in charge.
ME: Well I’m just glad you’re okay. Do me a favor. Stay out of the South.
JESUS: Soon it’s not going to matter, trust me. They’re coming for anybody that doesn’t look or act like them.
ME: Can’t you do something?
JESUS: I’m working on it. Hey, would you mind getting me a liverwurst and onion sandwich on a roll, some coffee and maybe a nice sticky bun?
ME: Sure, but I don’t think WaWa has liverwurst.
JESUS: Go forth and ask for liverwurst. Seek liverwurst and you will find it.
ME: You crack me up sometimes, you know that? I love you man.
JESUS: Love you too. Now come on. I’m hungry!
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