So I bumped into Jesus at the WaWa this morning…
ME: WOW! LOOK AT YOU!
JESUS: Look at me! I’m Zoomin here!
ME: I see! Wow. You’re out in the parking lot on a giant screen TV. It’s like a giant drive-in movie. You’re at least 9 feet tall!
JESUS: You should see me in real life!
ME: I have. You aren’t 9 feet tall. So where are you broadcasting from?
JESUS: Can’t tell you. Then I’d have to kill you. Then I’d have to raise you from the dead. Hahahaha…see what I did?
ME: You’re a laugh riot. So how are you killing time during this quarantine?
JESUS: Dad, Gabriel, Peter and I went fishing last week. We socially distanced, but Peter wouldn’t wear a mask. He’s such a stubborn ass sometimes. And I’m working on an 18 million piece jigsaw puzzle. It’s a picture of the history of the earth. I’m up to my time, but I cannot for the life of me find this missing piece. It’s crucial.
ME: What is it?
JESUS: Ironically, John the Baptist’s head.
ME: You doing any work?
JESUS: Of course I am, chickpea. There’s a lot of sick people out there. Also a lot of people out there risking their lives to help you all. I’m watching over them all the time. Loving them like I do. And if they need me to take them home, I’m there baby!
ME: That makes me happy.
JESUS: Sure it does. Hey! There’s someone here who wants to say hello!
ME: Who?
RHONDA THE ARMENIAN: Me, ya big dumb silver-headed mask face!
ME: Oh. Hi Rhonda. I see the quarantine hasn’t affected your sparkling personality.
RHONDA: What? I gotta be nice to you all of a sudden? Listen up, nipple clamp, I don’t need to be nice to nobody as long as I do my job. I’m outta here. Here’s the boss.
JESUS: She’s something else, isn’t she?
ME: Oh yes….something…else. Listen. Strange as it might seem, I actually miss you. Can’t wait for this to be over.
JESUS: I miss you too. I miss all my children. Listen stay in touch, okay. And as long as you’re at the WaWa, pick up a nice Sizzli with Bacon, a sticky bun and a coffee. Do this in memory of me.
ME: Kind of like the Last Breakfast. Hahaha…see what I did there?
JESUS: Don’t do schtick okay?
ME: Okay. Love you.
JESUS: Back atcha.
RHONDA: IS THAT CLOWN WITH TINKER TOYS FOR BRAINS GONE YET?
JESUS: SHE’S LEAVING NOW!!!! Oy what a nudge. See ya.
ME: Better you than me. Later.
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