Down to Earth! "JESUS TRIES OUT NEW MATERIAL" -- July 25, 2019

 

 So I bumped into Jesus at the WaWa this morning…

JESUS (shouting to passersby): Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they shall be satisfied.

PASSERBY: Shut up and get out of my way.

 

JESUS: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

PASSERBY: Get a job dude.

 

JESUS: Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

PASSERBY: I’m gonna kick your ass if you don’t leave me alone!

 

ME: What’s going on?

JESUS: Just trying out new material.

 

ME: How’s it going?

JESUS: Tough crowd.

 

ME: You need to be flashier, I think.

JESUS: I’ve got a dove that drops fire over people’s heads and give them super powers. How about that?

 

ME: I don’t know. It’s always risky when you bring fire into the act. Someone could get hurt and sue you. Any lepers around? You could heal them.

JESUS: I did the last one a month ago, remember?

 

ME: Oh yeah. Well, we’ll come up with something.

JESUS: Are you representing me now?

 

ME: I’m not an agent or a personal manager.

JESUS: I could make you one just like that (snaps fingers)

 

ME: I’d rather just be your friend. You know, get you coffee and smokes and stuff. Okay?

JESUS: Sure. Could you get me a coffee and a package of Hostess Sno-balls? The pink ones?

 

ME: You got it.  

JESUS: Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.

 

ME: Don’t overdo it. They’re just cupcakes with marshmallow and coconut.

JESUS: I know. But I really really really want them.  It’s the little things, you know?

 

ME: You are such a knucklehead sometimes, you know it?

JESUS: Love you too my sistah.