So I bumped into Jesus at the WaWa this morning…
JESUS: Chickpea!!!! Buongiorno de Ringraziamento!!!
ME: And a Happy Thanksgiving to you too! Say…Rhonda the Armenian isn’t here, is she?
JESUS: Noooo…she’s on a time out. She cold-cocked Eleanor Roosevelt last night at the company holiday party. Broke one of Eleanor’s wings, the poor thing.
ME: Why do you let her still be an angel? It’s obvious she’s crazy.
JESUS: Because I have faith in her. Do you know how she wound up with me in the first place?
ME: No.
JESUS: In 1935, she ran out in the middle of a busy road to rescue a toddler who had wandered away from her mother. She got the baby to safety just before an oncoming car came speeding at them both. Rhonda didn’t make it and now she’s with me. So, yes, she’s a little rough around the edges, but I have faith in someone who would do that.
ME: Oh wow. Who would have guessed?
JESUS: It’s like I always said, judge not lest ye be judged.
ME: You said ‘ye’?
JESUS: What did I just say? Don’t judge me either!
ME: Listen, I got you a coffee, some Hostess Sno-Balls and something really special. But it isn’t from WaWa.
JESUS: What? What? C’mon, I’m dyin of curiosity!!!!
ME: Okay, okay!!! Let me just get it out of my car and…
JESUS: Oh my God! I smell it! Is it...please say it is a…???
ME: A pastrami sandwich from Harold’s NY Deli in Edison!!!
JESUS: HOLY SHIT!... sorry… I mean HOLY MOLY! I can’t believe you did this!
ME: And…there’s a big tub of the coleslaw that you like, an order of latkes with applesauce…Happy Thanksgiving!!!!
JESUS: Oh wow. I can’t believe this! Thank you! I’ll never be able to eat it all.
ME: Well, you can have meals for a couple of days then.
JESUS: No. I think I’ll make a little plate for myself for later. And I’m going down to the railroad tracks to feed the gang down there. They will love this stuff!
ME: Wait. You’re going to give it all away? Do you know how much this set me back?
JESUS: Yes, I’m sure it cost a small fortune. Do you want it back?
ME: No, but…
JESUS: But you feel like I should be more grateful? Well I truly am. But it was a gift, wasn’t it?
ME: Yes. But…
JESUS: But I want to share the joy of my gift with others that need a little joy in their lives. These people have never tasted anything so delicious as this. Do you understand?
ME: I guess so. You know? You really try my patience sometimes.
JESUS: Judge not lest ye be judged. Now go home to your nice warm house and enjoy it. Ti amo and Buongiorno de Ringraziamento.
ME: Love you too. And please wish Rhonda a Happy Thanksgiving?
JESUS: Will do. Ciao.
ME: Ciao.
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